


The Future

by Ghille_Dhu



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Double Drabble, Drabble, Drug Use, Emotional Manipulation, Episode: s02e15 Threshold, Episode: s02e21 Deadlock, Episode: s04e07 Scientific Method, Gen, Heroin, Postpartum Depression, Substance Abuse, emotional cruelty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 12:51:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18965614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghille_Dhu/pseuds/Ghille_Dhu
Summary: Three alternative endings to three episodes based on Leonard Cohen's The Future.As you may expect with Cohen, not cheery reads!





	1. Threshold Overturned the Soul

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters are stand alone and completely unrelated to each other.

**The blizzard, the blizzard of the world**  
Has crossed the threshold  
And it has overturned  
The order of the soul  
When they said repent, repent  
I wonder what they meant 

 

They picked us up from the planet and de-mutated us. I don’t remember that part. I vaguely remember voices shouting and the doctor declaring a medical emergency before the world went silent.

I woke up and next to me was a baby. They told me later that due to being pregnant during the de-evolution process a potentially fatal hormone imbalance had occurred which is why I passed out and they performed a beam out on the baby. Apparently he is mine. Apparently I am a mother. The bond of motherhood is unbreakable yet I feel nothing for him. The doctor said that bonding may take time, as the whole nature of his conception and birth was so odd, just hold him and talk to him was his advice. I don’t want to hold him. The thought makes my skin crawl. I have been lying in sickbay for two days now and I cannot bring myself to pick him up. I have never hated myself before now. Disliked certain characteristics and decisions, but never hated. I must have some fundamental fault that I cannot even stand to touch my own son. And there is no one I can ever, ever tell.


	2. Smack

**Give me crack and anal sex**  
Take the only tree that's left  
And stuff it up the hole  
In your culture 

 

Her head was killing her. The Doctor had reassured her that the headaches would pass but it would take some time. He had given her a hypospray and left her to it. After all, the entire ship had been affected and the tags were still being neutralised he simply did not have the time for lengthy consultations with each patient. 

The headache was almost blinding and the hypospray, if it ever had done anything, was no longer even taking the edge off the pain. In desperation she asked the computer to bring up a list of all known painkillers whether or not they were still in use. In the back of her mind, Janeway wondered if the doctor only prescribed the mildest of analgesics and whether the 24th century could learn a thing or two from history when it came to pain relief. The computer brought up the list. It was extensive: Paracetamol, an almost ancient mild painkiller used on Earth during the 19th, 20th and 21tst centuries. K’Lachtem, a Klingon painkiller, surely a society that prided itself on managing pain must have some spectacular pain relief medication. However, as she read on, it appeared the downsides were quite fantastic: It had been known to send other species in to permanent comas, which sounded temporarily relaxing but problematic in the long term. The list went on, pain medication from Betazed that required precise telepathic tuning with another person, Vulcan meditation, Bolian tongue drops that could numb the entire body in minutes and archaic street drugs from Earth. Running out of patience she tapped on one of the names. It read:

Diamorphine. Opiate based painkiller. Originally sold under the brand name of Heroin. Medical grade Diamorphine was used in palliative care in the 21st century and, in a milder form, as a pain relief medication during labour and birth as well as the management of some illnesses. Heroin became a street drug when the medicine became tightly regulated some time after the First World War (1914-1918). 

Effects of Heroin are: Euphoria, drowsiness, respiratory depression, happiness, itchiness and relaxation. Can be taken orally in liquid, nasally through breathing in the drug in powder form or through heating the substance and breathing in the resultant smoke. It can also be taken intravenously which allows for the strongest doses to be administered. Opioid drugs are extremely addictive and users experience a lengthy period of withdrawal following use. 

That sounded more promising. It was a drug designed by humans for humans, it was a painkiller used when someone was dying so must have been efficacious and the only significant issue appeared to be a risk of addiction. As pain shot through her left temple, Janeway dismissed this as a real risk. She only needed it for a few days until these headaches went away, she knew what she was doing and someone using it in the 21st century was a far cry from a member of Starfleet, with access to the most up to date medicine using it in the 24th century. Using the chemical compound given by the computer she programmed the replicator. When she had finished, the replicator produced a dish with approximately one gram of whitish powder inside of it. Without any clue as to dosage Janeway dumped about a quarter of the powder into a glass of water, stirred it and drank. 

The effects were not immediate and she experienced no euphoria at all, however her headache did seem to lesson and she hadn’t felt so relaxed in years. Each muscle was unclenching, the bamboo canes she felt had ben strapped to her limbs since the destruction of the Caretaker’s Array just fell away from her. She flopped on to the bed and just enjoyed the sensation. 

The trouble was, the effects were not very long lived and the amount she had replicated only lasted a few days. She was careful and only allowed herself one dose per day; just a few hours relief from the pain and, if she was honest with herself, the stress and constant loneliness of the Delta Quadrant. She considered increasing the dose but was reluctant due to her complete ignorance around dosage. She wondered if a different administration route would increase the effects. 

After pleading illness and leaving the bridge, Janeway read through the short entry on Heroin on the computer. The information was too limited. She didn’t know how to make the powder in to a smoke without literally setting fire to it and she was sure that was not what was meant. How stupid of her, there must be examples in literature from the time period. The pain was so sharp it made reading difficult. She squinted at the titles, A Scanner Darkly, Dopefiend, In My Skin, Junk….. The list was too long and she could not wade though every single novel until she came to one with the information she craved. Not craved, needed, required. She asked the computer to scan though each book on the list looking for key phrases. It took longer than she wanted, the pain was acute, her skin felt covered in tiny pin pricks but she had found what she wanted. First replicating the necessary foil, lemon juice and a candle and then some more powder, she felt almost sick with anticipation. Re-reading the various paragraphs in the novels she balanced the powder on the foil, dripped a tiny amount of lemon juice on top and then held it over the lit candle. Fortunately the smoke was not significant enough to set off the fire suppressant systems and she was able to breathe in the smoke and hold her breath. The effects hit her hard. This was nothing like drinking it. A wave of an emotion she could not describe but was far beyond happiness hit her. She felt she could sit in a Dilithium mine all day and feel so good. Hell, she could stroll around a Borg cube and feel no fear. Every doubt, insecurity, drop of self hatred evaporated. 

Looking back over that final year, it was here where she could see her own arrogance and confidence had ultimately destroyed her. Her belief that people in the 24th century were different, her confidence that a member of Starfleet could not fall that far and her arrogance that she could not become addicted. Sitting in her quarters, stripped of rank and command all she had left was that white powder, a roll of foil and a syringe.


	3. My Mirrored Room

**Give me back my broken night**  
My mirrored room, my secret life  
It's lonely here  
There's no one left to torture 

 

A captain goes down with her ship. Yet I ran when I could. I followed Harry through the gateway. This version of me saw what I had done. She was the only the one. Everyone else was distracted by the baby. She dragged me to her quarters and made me stay there. 

That was six months ago and I haven’t left here since. She tells me she is ashamed and cannot let anyone know. So I wait for her to change her mind. Alone. Now I think I understand. I would have been better off going down with the ship.


End file.
